Prologue of “The Return of the Forsaken”

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I have spent countless restless nights, waiting, waiting, wishing for the end of the world. Wishing however is not the right word for it, since the word doesn’t cover it, aptly enough, the sensation, the burning desire that has consumed the best parts of me with it, over the centuries (or should I say millennia?)…Hell, it seems I do have lost my count after all! Worthless, futile has been this life, I know, I shouldn’t be allowed to live this life. I shouldn’t exist! Reduced to this weakling, I await death to come personally to drag me to hell, if there exists one, and yet, the wait is endless…

Am I dead? Can’t be, I am talking…but who is hearing? Someone definitely is…otherwise how would you all know about my personal rumblings? Am I alive? I don’t feel so…I have been hiding from all the world, people who are the off-springs of my own bloodline, in darkness, in shadows, I have been creeping around like the monster I am, watching my people die – in my own hands, some passing with time as well, perishing in bodies, fading in names… Watching changes everywhere, new lives, new faces, all the while I remained as I was. A stone. Harder than granite, I cannot fade. I cannot die. Yet nobody remembers me.

I am a monster, yes, I am. Suffering a fate, I’d myself brought upon me, cursed for all of eternity. I’ve just dragged on…without any family left, no friends either – just time and darkness, who’ve kept me company. But, I’ve had plenty of them. I have spent eons in my wait for the end, but fate doesn’t allow it. I have sinned, I deserve to be damned.

No, I deserve to be damned.

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4 thoughts on “Prologue of “The Return of the Forsaken”

  1. You deserve to receive happiness and an abundant life filled with lasting joy, and a reason to smile dear sister! We all have fallen in some kind of way many times in the past…we have disappointed whether friends, familly members, we all have failed sometime but you are still here and your heart still cries . Look to God and do not be afraid he will accept you as you are…believe it and live again, smile again leave the past in the past. Move foward Cyril in His love and grace!!!

  2. Death has many ways of showing up. We die in many ways, in degrees while breathing keeps us awake but unaware of the power in us. It literally grieves me to hear your words ring so loud yet, I understand these deep feelings well ~ You’re not going to hell, that’s never what you were designed for dear, and you will find slices of heaven between the sighs and tears, just don’t stop writing and allowing your friends to be your strength as you may need, because we, too, may need your strength ~sincerely ! I’ll be praying for you ~Deborah

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