My phantasmal lover

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No matter how dark the clouds are,

You’re always there at the back of my mind…

And when I see no light, nor picture a silver lining,

I picture you before my closed eyes,

Standing there next to me on my window sill,

Looking at me, love brimming in your eyes

And I can smile again as widely as I can’t…

Turning the dark clouds to fluffy white.

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verse

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the nostrils flared, the eyes quelled

the darkness creeps in when the shadows have all melt

it’s a hell, my soul, where my cold demons dwell.

but I know, it’s my heart, that’s still beating

against all reason, still, still feeling, still breaking.

underneath the skin, vomiting, shuddering,

a tiny little adorable cell of love is awakening,

soon to grow up to kill me like a cancer.

I bleeding heart you

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I’ve been crying out really loud. Nobody hears it.

They think it’s probably the storm.

Maybe some of it’s going on,

In my head. Ravaging.

Gorging. Caving.

It showers.

I love the rain,

It cries with me……

Watching the wet clothes,

Falls slack, sticking to my skin,

I almost double over with fresh tears.

I remember I am a human. Like everyone else,

I get to keep my pride, my self. Not put up with someone,

Who demeans my rights, my own, who-am-I ideas, my personality.

I am not invisible. Clothes wouldn’t stick to me otherwise.

Winds blow stronger, in an attempt to undress me,

The kind of violence I’ve always fantasized,

For a special someone to use with me.

The one who’d never cared for me,

I cry for him, but I vow…no can’t do it;

I don’t want to see him cry. Never. Not even a little bit.

Just a wish, maybe a fantasy, I would very much like to see the sky raining blood.

With me.