No matter how dark the clouds are,
You’re always there at the back of my mind…
And when I see no light, nor picture a silver lining,
I picture you before my closed eyes,
Standing there next to me on my window sill,
Looking at me, love brimming in your eyes
And I can smile again as widely as I can’t…
Turning the dark clouds to fluffy white.
Oh damn.
We just laughed and we laughed.
Until we were bored of typing 😀 smileys,
and we started to fight.
Things started going down the drain
and my brain too started walking drunk,
you know going left and right.
I know this is bad poetry.
But haha, I hope,
at least if you would’ve seen it,
it would’ve made you laugh.
I am laughing, too.
But you have me blocked.
Things really shut down
between all those laughter riots
and our amateur jamming sessions,
didn’t they?
Why then, don’t I still have the heart
to erase those .wmv’s we recorded?
Maybe because, like day after night
and night after day,
after you left,
my beautiful mind has gone just haywire.
Stuck there, and my day still dawns at dusk.
So extreme, they were,
our insane sciencey discussions,
the earth stopped upon its axis,
that glazed winter froze,
the minute you were gone,
and life is like a glass ball,
filled with gel and glitters,inside which
the Princess now dances alone
amongst twirling magnificent snow flakes.
All night long.
the nostrils flared, the eyes quelled
the darkness creeps in when the shadows have all melt
it’s a hell, my soul, where my cold demons dwell.
but I know, it’s my heart, that’s still beating
against all reason, still, still feeling, still breaking.
underneath the skin, vomiting, shuddering,
a tiny little adorable cell of love is awakening,
soon to grow up to kill me like a cancer.
When separate eyes meet in a crowded city square,
Over exploits of their humanity, and time, once and again–
They know they were meant to stay together,
Because they were met by a chance of eternity,
To be lost again, and again.
***
I walk through a dark corridor,
The air hungover with muck and gloom.
The door of the forbidden room stands tall
Like the brooding death of innocence.
I’ve arrived the point where it appears clear,
I’m just trying to kill a love I’ve given up believing.
But the stark darkness stuns the virginity in me,
Which is eager, very eager to take me,
Someplace else…
Those roads will be difficult to walk on, now alone.
The sand pebbles and germs, and the whirlpools of air
Which like separate worlds, have flourished to life
From the touch of our feet last trodden.
Preserving our childhoods, and pearls of sweet labor lost-
How dare I violate the sacred order of the worlds,
Which, if, might be conspiring to bring our feet together?
Which, if not, how can I disturb the ghost world,
Where in spirals of dust, our ghost selves would dance?
You will apologize to me, I know, you will. One day.
You know, I deserve one, for what I will have to go through…
The trauma of never being at home, while at home.
She laughs, she sings,
She fancies little things.
She whispers, she buzzes with the news.
She dances, settling things around.
She walks around, whining for attention.
She will sit, she’ll stand and strut.
Look into her eyes,
Is that disappointment there?
She dreams of weeping,
And yawning.
.
Why do you hide under a veil?
When all you could be doing is soaring on your wings?
.
Why do you reach for stars,
When all you could know is you have it in you to shine?
.
Why age them in just peering through,
Those eyes, yours, shy like a virgin, which want to learn…
.
The veil, that poor see through thing,
Are you letting it, or is it really caging you, against your will?
.
Have they tied anklets around your feet,
In gold and silver that gleam but clang like cowbells?
.
Tell me of your childhood, your real one.
Did you have a ‘gudda’* then, you loved to fondle around all day?
.
You did, didn’t you? You loved him.
Then everything changed, when your childhood was taken from you.
.
You were just told, what was right and wrong,
You just winked once and your lovebirds took off into the blue.
.
Never you got to see them ever again,
Those mad birds, soaring high, higher than ever you’d flown your kite.
.
Those disobedient little creatures,
But why aren’t you happy, that they’ve left you…?
.
You must wonder where now they live,
Have they gone away far enough to live in some other world…?
.
Those two eyes, two tiny little birds,
Must be wandering among all beautiful things, which you won’t know…
.
Those obstinate, selfish birds, that live in dreams,
Ever wondered how they bless humanity every night? They hope for us.
What you’ve found in me,
Think you hit the gold core?
<Oh, honey it isn’t what you think!>
You’ve got to get low and dirty to sink,
If you wanna win the heart!
What you’ve found in me,
Throw it out. You don’t know me.
<Not even close>
Tell me do you believe in magic, oh come on,
 I promise I won’t put you under my spell.
Spells don’t work the way you’d want.
But if you wanna win the heart, oh you’ll have to ring the bells.
If you wanna love me, you’ll have ask me.
Come to me, I’ll take you deeper into my empty room
I’ll let a flood of my thought hit you.
Until you’re intoxicated by my essence.
Â
What you found in me, you thought was gold?
Oh, honey, I’d rather wager you with the universe.
Dig a little deeper, you’re an immortal, and so am I.
The charm… the grace
The faces, the fears
The hotness of winters
And the loudness of tears.
The words, and the gestures,
The wishes left hanging in the air
Only if it could’ve become a private joke.
Little gestures made within indecision.
The sweet breeze hungover with cheer.
The storm rolling inland bears the promise,
Of bringing new showers and more promises.
Unspoken and yet, somehow too obvious.
The arms, the chills, those never quite felt.
The white sea, the foam and frizz.
The damage done the first time
She knows will stay to harm more.
The lotus cloud soars overhead,
Sailing across as if the sky was but a foaming sea.
Then follows the great dragon, flapping its brazen wings
Its talons reach to snatch the lotus flower.
Breathing out its nostrils full of flame.
There’s a battle going up there. Of chaos with peace.
Of the beast that tramples innocence.
How many battles must have been fought thus?
What of victors, what of who’s been paying for it,
No answers, my mind is already somewhere else.
Love has its own ways. It takes time to reach us. It has its own reasons. Each explicable. Its own pace, its own frequency. It’s the slowest electromagnetic wave that defies everything to reach us in its own time from the heart of the universe.
The stars were once plucked from the ashen grey skies.
They shine on lips now, and in eyes which cannot cry.
The sheen of all the silken dresses was extracted, and torn apart.
Making the poison that flows in the waters to mix in the dirt.
Every heart has slept, every bedside lamp extinguished.
It’ll be just one last time, that we would get to dance…
The paper fire’s shriveling up in the dusty grate,
We’re burning up our old love letters to warm us tonight.
Come on, baby, dance with me, this’s that one last time,
When it’s time to bid goodbyes for good and smile.
History ends tonight, civilization will die with the ghost of us,
Tonight there will be no words, just two couples of teary eyes.
And we dance, silently, until we fall, of exhaustion.
Two finite hearts finally, slowly dying in each other’s arms.
You thought I’ll reach nowhere,
Break my wings and sink,
And sink and sink and sink,
To hit the ocean floor.
Â
But aren’t you wrong?
Oh, bitch you are, so wrong!
So wrong!!!
Â
I did fall. Everything falls anyway.
But everything did go down the drain.
But then so I do have my spirit.
Which never gives up on me.
Â
The unstoppable phenomenon that I am,
The perfect bitch that sleeps in me, will snap back
I’ll leap out through all the murk and foam.
I dunno, and I know you don’t either,
I will be back. I always do.
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And then you’ll have to find someplace safer,
To hide from me.
the universe broadens under the web of strain
the string, destiny draws through its dark heart
that maze, running through our very existence,
forever the enigma no human will ever understand–
in their mortal lifespans, is what the soul does.
it’s just as if the souls were but giant poppy plants,
they grow leaves they shed upon autumn
the bodies that rot and grow in the cycle of eternity.
foolish men. stop asking the world your questions
your rusty skin will wither and crumble one day.
ask your self, your soul and listen, you’ve been alive,
all this time.
Running around,
Screaming around <in my head>
With no questions to ask,
And all pain and guilt.
<Six months ago> You made me wipe away my tears,
<Six months ago> You had me smiling again,
<Six months ago> You had me listening to metal!
<Six months ago> You taught me to love…oo oo ooooo….
Love, love, love, <love, love, love, love, love>
Some mystery it is. <How it happened>
You’d know it all better. <Sure you do>
It’s easy to mistake,
But then it never is.
<Six months ago> It all changed.
<Six months ago> You changed it for me.
<Six months ago> You, you, you happened.
<Six months ago> And your cycle became my eternity.
Words, little words, ran out of mind. <my my, my, my, my>
Some mystery that is. <How it happened>
You’d know it all better. <Sure you do>
It’s easy to mistake.
But then is it?
I plead guilty, <I am I know>
But like all crimes, punish me. <Oh, don’t leave me alone>
You cut me off, like I’m made of paper.
You turned away, like it’ll undo the last six months.
<Six months ago> You spoke a spell, <or something like that>
<Six months ago> If you’d remember, we had something to fight for.
<Six months ago> Six months have passed, and it’s just hurting now.
<Six months ago> You killed us but then there’s the ghost of our laughter…
Taunting through the day and haunting the nights,
You’re out there, soaring up on sunny beaches,
With the tides and the sun, while in silence life leaks outta me,
Caught in the perpetual ice storm, you and life conspired to put me in.
<Six months ago> I wished to die, and fade,
<Six months ago> What I feel now.
<Six months ago> You came in and that changed.
<Six months ago> Now you’re gone and won’t come back again.
All I wanna apologize for is,
I really do miss you.
Baby, you were all the good things,
I believe life ever had to offer me, that I will miss.
Cliffette's Journal 